Monday, January 25, 2010
If only I could care less,
If only I could feel less,
It wouldn’t hurt so much.
Have you ever felt so helpless cos’ you’re clueless about someone you care about so much?
Have you ever felt someone doesn’t care cos’ he/she doesn’t show? (or perhaps, they really don't care)
It's scary how fast people change, they won’t even realise it. It's not something you can stop. It's nature, a passing phase. And there’s no point in explaining the difference. Cos’ to them, there isn’t any change. The new person is who they’ve always been.
Once people change, they forget at an alarming speed and you’re not part of their lives like in the past anymore. All memories about you seem to have purged and there’s no meaning left. Then, the cold harsh truth remains no matter how hard you try. You cease to exist... now.
It’s incongruous.
In some ways, I’ve so much courage cos’ I care so much. But sometimes, I hide like a dumb coward. But it might just be a way to protect myself.
I admire some people with the courage to pursue things/people they love and ignore how the world looks at them. They dare to take risks, to fight for their happiness. Ultimately, it’s about them, not people who barely know them and end up judging using their own benchmark.
All these while, I’ve learnt the hard way. Just keep mum, don’t reveal your feelings. So when people don’t care/ask/respond, there’s still a comforting reason to hold on to – they don’t know. But when all’s revealed, you’re left vulnerable and when people know but they don’t care (or don’t care as much as you expect them to), the ugly truth stands before you, eventually hurting you twice as much.
Maybe that’s the reason why I choose to hide or run away. A coward, hiding from the pain I’ve been through for so long, cos’ I’m afraid, so fearful of consequences that would end up hurting myself again. Or maybe I've been too brave for too long.
And I always end up doing the wrong things which don't seem to convey my intentions well. I'm really sorry. =/
My heart's still beating, and bleeding.
And... thank you all these while for respecting me. Truth be told, I haven’t been happy. You know it, you feel it...
Things and times I miss. I'll make sure I find another cookie monster, a little monster to hold on to dearly. =)
Hello dt. I miss you so. I want to party with you...
Closed Book At... [11:02 AM]