Monday, December 28, 2009
Thank you, beloved 9p. Sorry for making you girls worry so much when you all are so busy with other stuff.
We don’t even meet often but I just know, and feel that I always form the thoughts at the back of their minds, which makes them want to spare time to just be there for me. Unknowingly, I merge into their top priorities together with stuff on-hand which could have been much more important than mere me.
Whereas others may care but somehow other important stuff gradually fills them up, and I become something random that just seems to be missing. Then slowly, forgotten about. I've learnt. People disappoint you at times you don't really expect them to. And I've come to realise how easily words are being said, but not meant.
Thanks so much, pees. Everything’s much appreciated. I admit, we don’t really meet often cos’ other than work, I lack the effort to make things happen. I’m sorry. I’m just too whirled up in my own emotional world that nothing gets in.
I don’t even want to meet people, or engage in any social activities I would normally feel hyped about, judging from the good ol’ me. But that sleepless night was lovely. I promise to try harder for you girls.
The trip wasn’t so much of the dream trip I longed for since I had 9 days of leave. Wasn’t utilized to the fullest at all. Plus, I fell really sick upon arrival. Even the medicine couldn’t help subside the fever and flu at all.
Mum just kept saying I was unlucky, always falling ill when we travel. But I’m still glad my family seems happy.
new hair, and i'm back to the old me
uncomfortable boos journey there
it was pretty cold but nice
at the hotel lobby
our arrival
to be readily checked by the casino staff
fat snacks
hiding in a confined space
hotel boredom
my hard-earned win
sis’ favourite jackpot machine which i lost so much money on. but i loved this other cute little piggie machine.
jackpot boredom
buffet breakfast
downhill
nice boos back
Merry Christmas to the loves.
decorated sai’s monkey (vanny the tranny?) with my props
more-than-just-awesome presents. sorry that i didn’t get presents for anyone this year, other than the dg-lookalike turtle i got on my trip.
higher than expectations carrot cake by dg, in an esprit box
midnight fondue, followed by cup noodles for them. but i have high tolerance due to the persistent fatty feeling i always have
a rare shot of us all
bangs frenzy
Dt dt, please give me your address, I want to post my countless self-taken shots/random photos and letters to you. I want to send you parcels. I want to visit you out of impulse someday, reach there and realise I have no winter clothes then freeze to death. If it really happens, I know you’ll lend me your snow stuff!
Wounds heal over time. They just become scars and stay for life. But at least, they wouldn’t hurt anymore.
I smiled, cos’ you should be happy now. =)
Closed Book At... [12:17 PM]
Thursday, December 17, 2009
No more implications, nor obligations, marking the end of entanglement, the end of pain.
If I were to vanish one day, nothing will ever change. Not a slightest bit. One thing for sure, I foresee my phone ringing for what seems like forever. And the caller could only be my mum.
The clocks won’t stop ticking.
The globe still rotates at that appalling slow speed no one ever realises, just like my unearthly disappearance.
The sun rises from the east, sets in the west... without fail.
Missing a mate to dance with, to laugh with... Anyone with the same passion could replace that role, easily.
A random stranger missing from the morning bustling crowd. One less seat occupied on the bus, which someone will hastily fill...
Life goes on.
Nothing ever changes.
Lost all hope now. It’s a thin vine I’m holding on to, struggling to pull through. Just lie that everything will be ok even though it's not... and I'll be just fine.
It’s scary when the vociferous noises around you become a deafening silence, and you can only hear your own booming thoughts.
Dear little dragon from a faraway magical land, can you grant wishes?
Closed Book At... [6:02 PM]
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Dear friend,
Wish you were here to go through all these pain with me. I know you’re the one who can ease everything.
After all, you were the one who understood me most.
Love,
But reality kills.
Closed Book At... [9:19 AM]
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
I’m just never good enough for anything...
or for anyone.
Closed Book At... [4:32 PM]
Monday, December 14, 2009
Yes, it was definitely the last.
It hurts so much, knowing that it wasn’t cos’ of your feelings.
This marks the end. I couldn’t be more hurt than this cold harsh truth.
I asked for it. Finally, I know it was long gone.
As for me... I really can’t be better for now. I'm so tired. Been so hurt, all cos’ of myself... and no one else. I wonder... if it ever hurts you too listening to those things I said. I wonder if you even felt a thing...
Cried too much. I've lost all my strength to push on. Can't ever be the same old me anymore. Sorry.
And I guess... your opinion of me will never change.
I won’t ever blame you for the person you’ve become, as long as you’re happy and well now. All I’ll do is to just hold on to the memories we shared, cos’ you’re the most beautiful thing that happened in my life.
So upset, upon realising people who are so important to me are leaving soon. More emptiness in my life.
I really wanna leave real soon too. For now, dt... I wish I could go with you... so badly.
Unbelievable, but I would go through the excruciating pain in the past again, just cos’ I had you there with me.
Closed Book At... [11:28 AM]
Friday, December 11, 2009
I can’t see the smiles anymore.
Can’t feel my smiles anymore.
Why do I always put myself in situations with tremendous hurt... again and again.
Early Christmas, to convey my simple wishes... to make you smile once again. I just didn’t want any regrets. But I guess I did wrong. Santa was terrible.
This time, I promise... it’s the last. I’m sorry. Are you glad?
Now I'm so sure... so sure that nothing will ever change. I’m too hurt to be ok... There are so many things you never knew. But now, it doesn’t really matter anymore.
No more stress, no more woes. I’m leaving... for good. So, will you smile now?
I wanna leave soon, to somewhere far far away. Time will fly...
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ‘em out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
I miss my old friend... so much. Someone not inside you anymore. That special someone I’ll never forget. I know this person will never be the same in my life again, but might just be the same old him in many others' lives. It's ok. I smiled, cos' I once knew you. At least I still have memories I'll hold on dearly and never let go, no matter where I go... just to remember you, and that I ever existed in your life...
Closed Book At... [10:46 AM]
Saliva Bin______
Who Am I______
jasmine .//. ahlee .//. skippy
My Shining Stars______
.:+:.9p
Loves_________
*DANCE *hip hop *fashion *music *holidays *shopping My Past Thoughts___
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30th Aug 88
andrina_lee@hotmail.com
.:+:.family
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*great company *bling blings *jackets *nice shows & movies
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Them__________
|9p|
yingxia|
hsin|
rine|
vanessa|
My Blogskins__________
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jace|
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xiaopei|
clonie|
serene|
raaz|
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kat|
joyce|
|childhood memories|
|beachy girls [anime]|
|broken promise|
|sweet pink|
|sly - rawker of my life|
|one more step, to the edge|
|life is like a dream*|
|BoA - dance to the beat|
|magical falling gift|
|the gothic girl [anime]|
|dreamy [anime]|
|i'm your lil' angel [anime]|
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|watching over you [anime]|
|rush hour [anime]|
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|noodle trouble|
Rise and shine, puppeteer.