[[The story ends here.]]

The story which never started.

During those times, I was hurt. It was a tough period for me. My heart was in pain, I stared into space and started tearing. I wished I had someone there for me, to listen and talk to. To just be there. I thought of you at my lowest point, the cute cheery person whom I knew just a while ago. Someone I felt so comfortable with, joking and just chatting.

I tried texting you, telling you my feelings… and texts eventually became calls. The first time - I remember you as a great listener but I was so afraid to bother you. You sounded stern and cold, but as we talked, I gradually felt the warmth in your voice – something that could only be felt with the heart. Initially, they were sad calls. I always sobbed as I spoke.

With you around, I slowly felt better and those sad calls became nightly happy chats we both thought were indispensable.

At some event, we were the only two who stayed up whole night, chatting and doing random stuffs. Then, we headed home. Upon realising there was a bus that goes near your home then to mine, we took a really long bus ride home. And we both fell asleep. After you alighted, I was thankful for your silent company. It was such an incredible journey and feeling.

Some birthday, you accompanied me during the hectic preparation and then watched me leave for the celebration. On that same night, being so afraid I would be upset, you created a little surprise at my void deck involving branches, leaves and smiley faces, hoping to cheer me up if I were to have a bad time. Unfortunately, I only managed to catch a little of those.

I was frantically looking for a job then. And thanks to you, I got a great job. A part time job I could surf the web, watch videos, listen to music and get paid. My first day - I was texting you all along, chatting… passing time. But you suddenly stopped. I thought you were busy so I ignored. The next moment, I looked up and saw 2 familiar faces walking in. It took me a while to register. It was you, and your friend. You came with my favourite bubble tea. We chatted and your friend left shortly.

The clock ticked as you stayed in your seat beside me, accompanying me through my first day of work. Feeling distracted by my thoughts and feelings, I made a major mistake and I panicked. It took a long time. But you waited and helped me solve the problem, keeping me calm at the same time. Then, we ate soggy fries together and headed home separately. I smiled.

I remember you coming by, just to pass me herbal tea. I remember you waiting for hours and hours on many occasions, just for me to end work. I remember you getting lost before near the area but still finding your way to my favourite mochi place, warming it a little with your palms while you walked to my workplace, so it wouldn’t be too cold for my teeth.

A random day. I baked a polyshrink which I drew and coloured myself, making into a handy keychain. I don’t remember how but I went to your home area, just to pass you that little envelope containing the cookie monster polyshrink.

After dance one day, I was texting you as usual and I told you I was famished. You continued texting asking my whereabouts. You hopped onto my bus halfway through my journey with a nice fresh burger.

Another bus ride on another day, I met you at the stop which I usually took the next bus. You were there waiting, with a box of sushi in your hands. I gobbled everything up. But I was truly glad I didn’t finish the salmon sushi in one bite. There was a little bling key embedded under the slice of salmon. I was pleasantly surprised and wonder how you always manage to do these amazing magical things.

One normal day after work, you waited and picked me up, telling me your plans to go to a place for me to relax. Night safari. It was awesome. But sadly, I was tired so we left quite early.

A random bus journey, I was texting you. Thoughts filled my mind and I cried on the bus. I alighted at the wrong stop and it was dark and void of life. I was scared. You were at the next stop. I walked in tears, trying to get to you. You ran the highway, reaching me fast and told me everything was ok. Although I was choking on my tears, I knew… Cos’ you were there.

Everytime I performed, I received flowers from you. Not just one. But a bouquet. And you always manage to do that without fail.

On a special occasion, you waited hours for me to reach home, just to pass me a huge board, exquisitely handmade with beautiful photos. It was impeccable. You said it wasn’t nicely done. That was just a humble lie.

We were so close. I wonder when this happy friendship became this weird happy relationship. I always laughed so hard with you. I was truly happy. Always.

And gradually, on your side the feelings involved was more than just simple friendship. You just never knew there were feelings on both sides all along.

Maybe I wasn’t ready, not yet recovered from the hurt. Maybe I was just afraid of how others would see us. Or maybe both played a part.

Somehow, things turned sour, probably cos’ of the emotional attachment. Oversensitivity and many negative feelings derived from actions and words. Maybe you were just too afraid to lose me and what we had after all these while.

I gave you a long while of cold treatment cos’ I couldn’t breathe and just needed some space to feel happy once again. I didn’t even want to talk to you much.

After which, things turned out fine again. You, still being the perfect friend you were before. A changed person… for the better. But during those times, you went through so much hurt cos’ of me, inflicted by me.

Still, there is one reason why I always have happy lunches and happy kois.

Events leading the downturn are skipped. But it just happened. Too much happened. Maybe cos’ you’ve been through too much hurt by me. Words are free. Promises are costly.

I tried. But sorry to myself, I can never pick up the pieces again. There is only myself to blame. Too much hurt has been involved. On my side too. And I’m sorry. All’s lost.

I know this doesn’t have a logical ending cos’ it just doesn’t seem like the way to end.

But not all stories have a happy ending.

At least not mine.

Closed Book At... [5:57 PM]

_____________