Sunday, May 03, 2009
yest... was probably the worst day of my life ever since.. yea.
firstly, i really am sincerely happy for raazmy and my baby nicole, joey and jeremy, andy and andee for getting in. the feeling is heartfelt. esp andy. i'm extremely proud of him. me and da ling were joyfully thrilled when his name was called. so happy for him. and to lovely sai who came down with her bf.. i'm speechless and can't even say enough thanks for all her actions. cos i always feel the undying support from her.
but... our own feelings, disappointment, is a total different thing altogether.
after everything, i spaced out with total blankness, and tears were simply unstoppable. i wonder if it's blank or too much overwhelming emotions that are indescribable. so sorry to clonie, da ling and nicole for making them worry. it's just that moment. i didn't even feel like talking.
did i expect too much cos of my the extreme desire which gradually increased over time? i don't know what went wrong. but ironically, everything seemed right. we enjoyed, we had fun... and i felt you dancing with me, in this together for the same reason...all along. such chemistry, is so hard to come by. and this is something i treasure alot.
da ling... does everything really happen for a reason? why can't i seem to tap your theory into my mind? it's weird i'm still tearing as i'm writing this post. the feeling doesn't die.
hate how i'm feeling now. i haven't felt this terrible about dance before. not even the stressful concert period which i had to handle so many things.
honestly, i'm so so so lost now. without a direction. what am i to do? i'm proceeding... with questions.
and it was also yest.. i fainted. such a terrible terrible feeling. so weak and helpless. don't know why it happened. perhaps cos' i wasn't feeling well, didn't eat and i guess other factors included. can't really remember the situation.
but i'm so thankful to norbin, charlie and rahim for taking good care of me... and of cos' my beloved da ling. who took care of me and stayed by me all night.. making sure i was feeling ok. i'm really very touched. cos' she waited and waited for so long when we were supposed to leave much much earlier. but unexpectedly it just happened.. =( i'm very sorry for causing so much trouble.
=)
loves.
Closed Book At... [10:55 PM]