[[naught]]

sitting... staring... swallowing down chewed condiments. at this moment, i suspect that my taste buds have failed. feeling nothing, tasting nothing.

i squirmed. upon sorting out my feelings, but just to know things that've been suppressing you for so long, just today. and i'm clueless. what a loser. the tables are turned.

it hurts soo terribly deeply to only know things today. it came as a HUGE blow. seriously huge, feeling that history has once again repeated itself. as always, even after changing so much. perhaps it makes no difference at all. i blame myself.

i tried so hard... you tried as hard. i see it. i appreciate it, but you think i don't. i feel it, but whatever i said made you think i don't. everything just can't be pieced back now, isn't it?

i've been through too much these days, even feel like i'm doing things that make no sense to me anymore. i'm at the brim, edge... to just giving up everything. really so hopeless after finding out things today i never knew i did subconsciously that affected you so badly. yes, i am just such a fuckass.

at this point of time, i so feel like i'm breaking down into pieces. after being so stressed by school... and all. a simple hope - i just want to be happy with you again, so utterly bad. is it really so hard to be happy? no, it's not. but i guess i'm the one who made it so hard for both of us. so regretful, so apologetic.

the clock continues ticking. i stare at it again. it's still moving, clockwise.

i really need a big hug so badly now. so badly...

Closed Book At... [8:50 PM]

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