Wednesday, February 28, 2007
but the fact is... it did happen. and you made the choice...
i can't help but question...
Closed Book At... [11:21 PM]
Thursday, February 22, 2007
nonsensical day. mood range.
lunch with the company of the fish. fish'n'co. with one ugly fish hanging near, facing me directly, affecting my appetite so great. =p HAHA. but enjoyed the yummylicious chomp chomp!
then study time... er. nope. PLANNED study time. not productive at all, even though the exams are approaching. and sudden gush of thoughts...
we gave up on studying, and went movie-ing! ghost rider. kinda cool. but quite a chachak cinema. the movie's nice nevertheless, cos' of the snacks, and of cos'... most importantly, the company, the one and only kuku dodo who can't stop fantasizing about having supernatural powers ever since the movie ended. =P
so lovable. =) but at the end of the day, it's a big loop for him. =/
amidst the busi-ness and studying. i really miss 7 significant people so bad. haven't had time to meet for a long time. even when we met up the previous time, it wasn't for long. and nope. not full attendance. silly dilly exams, study week during cny. how lifeless can that be. we gotta date! however, with clashing working schedules, not that easy... =/
some things... better off not thinking about. easier said than done, really. no choice. that's the best way, minimizing the hurt. without letting the mind stray.. too much. too hard to handle, with such matter of fact, racing... at highest speed, sending chills down my heart... i feel the ache.
no matter what, i'm still happy and contented. i wonder... if that was ironic. but... it's true.
Closed Book At... [12:56 AM]
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
it's proven...
Closed Book At... [12:30 AM]
Sunday, February 18, 2007
certain things feel quite lopsided. maybe the truth isn't what i see and i can't deduce or assume... ya.
but still...
lotsa loves. =) (i think it's a cool artistic sleepyhead shot =P)
Closed Book At... [12:47 AM]
Friday, February 16, 2007
yest things turned out... the way i didn't want them to.
today's a sudden realisation day, where everything hit me straight, real hard.
on our own, once again.
once, twice. both.
it feels so hard to accept, when initially everything seemed so perfect.
nono, it's not hard to go on, it's possible. is this how i try to convince myself? when again, it happens. just thrown, left all by ourselves. so lost, really... and it's very hurting. but we'll just put our best foot forward and try, go for it since we're already halfway through... although it may be tough, we'll go on bravely together. will try hard...
family... talked to pris and i realised... just how much i've missed out, how much i've missed. stepped into my home today, close to 12 midnight. pitch darkness, and feels void of my existence. beloved toffee dear doesn't even greet me anymore.
recently sis always says that she feels like she doesn't have a sis. i know she didn't mean it in such a way, but sometimes subconsciously saying such things actually have a great impactful meaning. even unintentionally, it hurts so bad, like a stab in the heart. so heart wrenching, really.
did i get my priorities right? i know i didn't. something that won't cost me my life, i sorta chose it over things that i can't do without, which are so so valulable to me. contemplating to give up the former for the latter. well, it shall be a later thing though.
and some people spoke to me today. said i've changed... quite drastically... for a particular reason. i wonder if it's me denying, or i really can't see the situation. i think it's more of denial, refusing to accept that such a situation is going on, and just brush it off. now, they feel like they should talk to me, cos' it's becoming clearer and stronger to others and they are getting worried. i know they truly care, thanks so much. i'm so grateful and glad they approached me, getting things clear into my head. and many things they mentioned, i guess i'm subconsciously aware of.
questioning my sacrifices, and worth. it's... scary cos while talking to me, things i didn't think much about and all the hidden inner thoughts gradually surface. everything falls into place, revealing the picture. i'm starting to think, if something happens, will i be able to cope? i've answered and assured myself countless times. but it's not that easy...
Closed Book At... [12:17 AM]
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Closed Book At... [12:30 AM]
Monday, February 05, 2007
as time goes by, you get more and more fearful...
when you gradually realise that some things and a special someone, actually means so so much to you. at times, it's just the unexplainable feeling. you can't even believe your own actions.
you get worried, and uncertain of yourself, uncertain of the current situation.
sometimes i really don't know what to think about anymore. somehow, i'm scared.
Closed Book At... [11:41 PM]
Thursday, February 01, 2007
sudden reminiscence, flashbacks of the past. actually, it isn't that long ago after all. collective memories. like fragmented pieces, slowly collating, making up a story. yep, a story of the past.
now, it's another chapter, another level. but i feel like this book of mine is being flipped backwards. really deteriorating... but...
will try not to muse over losses. instead, continue to strive hard and push myself. will do well. erm, nope. must. do. well. i'll not crumble like a banana crumble! haha, random, but point taken ya... =)
or rather, i'll just try... cos' nothing is guaranteed. things can actually deviate so much from your own expectations, own predictions. how erratic.
recently, i've been consciously eating alot. stress? i wonder. haha.. maybe. and subconsciously, i'm eating more chocolates than usual! ya... need control! i will not let stress and unhappiness take over me. resistance ya! =D
on a serious, not-really-random note, i love my darlins. and darlin... A LOT. =)
Closed Book At... [11:53 AM]
Saliva Bin______
Who Am I______
jasmine .//. ahlee .//. skippy
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.:+:.9p
Loves_________
*DANCE *hip hop *fashion *music *holidays *shopping My Past Thoughts___
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30th Aug 88
andrina_lee@hotmail.com
.:+:.family
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.:+:.TPDE
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.:+:.epic crew
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Them__________
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yingxia|
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rine|
vanessa|
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joyce|
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|beachy girls [anime]|
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|one more step, to the edge|
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Rise and shine, puppeteer.