[[the running stream... of thoughts]]

i wonder what awaits me on the next page. the unknown story, until i flip the pages to find out. it's a turning point. for now, i don't know. and i'm hesitant to flip the page. many factors come into consideration and i don't want to cause any unhappiness. but i guess if i minimize others' unhappiness, the story will end like right... now, with a sad ending.

oh well, i really don't know. i don't dare to bring the issue up to mum again. i know i've made her worried and tired. she's always waiting for me to reach home every single day and can't sleep until i'm home. enough of late nights. plus the fact that... this will require me to commit time and energy, so she's also afraid that i can't focus on studies. it's partly true. but i'm working very hard, in both aspects. yep, i know... sometimes it's really tough to juggle.

such things are inevitable to me. cos' it's something i place high importance in. however, i really can't be selfish too, keep thinking of my own welfare and happiness, thus neglecting mum's health and sleep, as she always stays up for me. i guess papa too, when forced by mum to wait for me, and brrrrooom me home. a very stressful issue to think about. this isn't cool.

although i'm sooo exhausted at times, it's something i really deeply truly love. something i would go all out for. but ya, i love mummy and papa too! =/ i know i can't have the best of both worlds. gotta make a choice no matter what, or just compromise...

dilemma. it's just so hard...

Closed Book At... [11:17 PM]

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